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Still Andy.

I had a dream last night wherein I was a seal. I was hoisted onto one of those factory-conveyor-belt-thingies made of metal rollers and pushed really hard. I went whizzing around this oily factory for a while before landing on a beach and having to push something with another seal or two. Come to think of it, I might have been more walrus than seal. It was pretty weird.

The other night as I fell asleep, I was thinking how cool it would be if Tetris had the equivalent of Link’s iron-clad boot. i.e. if Tetris had a ONYX tetronimoe that fell once in a while and crushed out all the gaps under the files it fell on. That would be nifty.

When I actually manage to get more than three hours sleep at a time I have crazy dreams. Last night, after a sequence of insane events, I found myself standing in a desert with Andy and some friends from BYU. I turned to Jake Drzayich and asked him ‘Did people in S. Korea have a hard time pronouncing your surname?’ but then he didn’t reply because we all got distracted watching a Royal Mail Delivery Truck zoom out of the sky and land on a nearby airstrip. I said ‘How did you think ‘airmail’ got delivered?’ I think my mind thinks it’s funnier than it is.

This picture seemed relevant.

I think pregnancy messes with the quality of your dreams.

I usually have odd dreams that I almost always remember, but since being pregnant, the content of the dreams has gotten lamer and I swear they’ve started happening in real time. I can spend an entire nights worth of dream doing something menial that would take me hours in real life. Like making a six course meal for a party of thirty-seven. That dream was two nights ago. I unsuccessfully made soups, quiche, and fries (?!) for a large Relief Society group. I woke up tired, and surprised to find myself not wearing an apron.

Last night I dreamt that I was in some sort of urban looking underground mechanics shop where a wrestler in a steam room was trying to contact me through thick glass. Then I noticed some choreography going on in the gym where girl went to watch video aerobics, which I thought was stupid since video aerobics are for people who do aerobics at home, not in a gym. Then, I was met with a fuchsia lipped Indian girl in a garage, who‘s name began with an R, who said “What if cancer treatments didn’t hurt? Then what?” before running down some perforated steel stairs. You know, the kind that would grate you like a soft cheese if you fell on them? Then I was outside in a rocky lagoon, with some dude (and he was a dude) in board-shorts toting a really expensive camera looking for golden mushrooms (Mario Kart perma-shrooms). Then I extracted a long strand of grass from left eye before watching a film about a religious man who turned into George Washington on a hovercraft attacking some civil war re-enactors. Analyse THAT, Freud.

Last night I dreamt that I went to see a film called “The Goodies”. Only I think at some point it changed to “My Goodies” which is the title of a Ciara album I believe. It was a Wes Anderson flick and it took me about 2 Dream Minutes to get bored of the self-aware quirky protagonist(s). I politely excused myself from the top of the car I was sitting on to watch the film so I could leave the theatre. I then went to a nearby shopping centre in the hopes of avoiding getting my feet wet. I watched a 19ft garden worm crawling under what seemed to be demolition remains of a concrete wall and was kind of bothered by it. I then went to Brighton beach where I helped some kid wearing a hat with ear flaps operate the slide. You had to drop 20p into a slot for the slide to fold down and be useable. I then conversed with a girl about ‘gaming’ to which she blithely responded ‘Nintendo?’ and I made fun of her. I woke up thinking that I shouldn’t be so mean to people in my dreams.

Firstly, I would hire a broker, learn how to invest, and play the stock market so I could turn my $1M into $500M. So the real question is, what would I do with $500M. Boo-ya.
1. Pay some serious tithing
2. Try and reform the quality of care social services offers, start quality orphanages, create global programmes to jumpstart education and provide a safe and healthy environment in which children can be encouraged to take life opportunities, give free homes to anyone caring for a kid with special needs or has suffered a fatal tragedy in the family
3. Give mine and Andy’s parents money to tempt them to retire and do whatever they fancied – buy entire libraries, serve missions, whatever. Along the same lines I’d pay off mortgages for close family members, make uni savings accounts for my cousins kids and any kids of siblings/sibling-in-laws, and take care of any health bills family had
4. Use my cold hard cash to buy a decent political agenda for Washington. HA just kidding, I’d run for president, HA also just kidding. I would actually just buy a fertile island somewhere sunny where Andy and I would eat pineapples all the time so we could ignore politics when we weren’t globe trotting over every continent
5. Settle in a nice home somewhere out east when we got too old to globe trot or entertain or maintain our Sandy Island and continue buying Nissans and shopping at Costco so our money wouldn’t run out before we served missions. The perk of this life would be hiring a chef who would find some way to make vegetables delicious to Andy
If I could have a number 6 (since I obviously adhered closely to one dream per bullet point…), I would buy a pygmy lion. I would have the latter genetically engineered as it doesn’t exist yet.

I had a very stressful dream last night. I dreamt that when we were lying in bed, a giant fish that looked like this one, floated into our room, as if our room were full of water. it was freaking me out so much. andy swatted it with a magazine and it exploded everywhere. I logically dealt with the trauma by arranging andy’s mission pictures. I was subsequently frustrated with my mums efforts to put a new stove, dishwasher, and industrian deep fryer in our kitchen and so I sold them on craigslist, tasted the cookies from the back room, threw them away, and refused to wear the geometric, pink, wool dress made for me for the goodbye dinner after rachel went to a bulldozer show with some kid called Joshua.