Moses looks like an alien.

It cracks me up when people prefix “Oh” to sentences of any other genre than exasperation, surprise or in jest. And by ‘cracks me up’ I mean ‘kind of winds me up’.

I don’t get it when people complain all the time about having no money, and then I see them toting left-overs from fancy restaurants encased in plastic on their way to the movies. This is why you have no money.

I’ve never had a cat before, so Moses provides me with hours of entertainment.
Yesterday, he leapt off the back of the sofa, claws outstretched and swiped my glass of water. Naturally, he was too weak to hold it, so he dropped to the carpet showering its ugliness in H20. We shut Moses out of our bedroom last night because he wakes us up periodically to claw us in attempt to play, but this morning I felt like a really bad person for doing so as he was crying at the french door window, followed me into the shower room and put his front paws up on the bathtub and continued to mourn. Couldn’t handle it. Today, i discovered that he likes to eat spaghetti. I was eating some and he kept trying to snatch it off my plate (he climbs up me and lunges). I gave him a piece thinking he’d hate it and then get off my case/lunch, but instead, he munched it and came back for more. I continued feeding him until I realized that it might not be good for him. Andy said its not so bad. Anyway. So with cats on the brain, I read this post and only really picked up on the “ten lives” comment. (ten lives? nine lives? get it?)
I have decided that if I could have 8 other lives they would be as follows:
1) Photographer for the National Geographic (Human Biology or Conflict)
2) An illustrator
3) A Pastry Chef
4) A newsreader/journalist
5) A Doctor
6) An Architect

I’m not sure what it says about me, but i can’t think of another 3 lives I’d like.
As an afterthought, I am aware those alternatives look relatively boring in compared to the insane lifestyles I could have chosen such as Rock Star, Daughter Inheriting Bill Gates’ everything, or Gypsy. This is because I would feel like a waste of time, would actually waste all my time, and can’t wear earrings for extended periods of time respectively. Andy and I thought it was weird that neither of us thought of the title Actor, and both wanted to be involved with the National Geographic. I wouldnt want to be an actor because I hate it when they talk about the roles they play in third person, I’d ge bored of faking being someone else for most of the year, and it’s kind of a waste of time.

I most definitely got the job at BYU…… thankyou, thankyou.
And I potentially also have TB. well, not ACTIVE TB, but i most definitely have the bacteria lurking in me. Probably because of my BCG.

Here are some of my favourite police beats.

This one ticked me off. Who’s mother tells a 6 year old to call 422-2222 in an “emergency” without defining emergency and not providing 911 as the contact?
April 8: A 6-year-old boy called the police when his 9-year-old brother would not let him watch television. BYU police checked the situation to make sure the boys were supervised. Both boys were fine.

March 26: The mother of a BYU student called the police when she suspected that her daughter’s roommate stole her butter knife. The mother later called to drop the charges.
Probably because the stupid daughter complained to her mum.

Oct. 13: A student reported two male students throwing acorns off the bridge near the law building on East Campus Drive, hitting another student. When questioned, the male students said they were throwing acorns into the tops of trees to see the reactions of students who thought animals were making the noises in the trees. The students were asked to stop throwing acorns.
Good one.

This is how Coug’s fight in the wild:
Oct. 23: An assault was reported in R Hall of Deseret Towers. One male student threw a bug on another male student who retaliated by spraying shaving cream on the male that threw the bug. Shaving cream got in the eyes of the first student and the argument quickly escalated and became a physical confrontation.

This is what Coug’s do for entertainment:
March 27: Students received a strong verbal warning from a BYU police officer when they were caught trying to blind drivers by shining light in their eyes with small hand-held mirrors.
Feb. 2: A student reported a suspicious individual with long gray hair and a beard inside a restricted lab in the Clyde building. Upon arrival, the officer found a mannequin in the reported location

This is my favourite. The police actually responded, and were actually called:
March 25: Several students reported a group of people in a vehicle driving around the Helaman Halls complex throwing balls of cheese at students at random. The offenders were gone when officers arrived.

Frankly, nothing will top the singing vegetables and fruits of Innocent juice, but these are something of a second place.

I am confident that this post will be of a completely different tone to the last. As I said, I may be multi-faceted but the seams between those vertices’ can be a little rough.
I was in a rush to pick up a print off of my account details from Wells Fargo for HR. I rushed in, was glad to find it empty and politely requested the print off from two were-buff-now-a-bit-chub Cougars. They were both married and still in school. They bombarded me with the general England questions and I responded politely cut curtly due to my need for speed, thinking that my concise points would dissuade them from perpetuating this small talk. Anyway, the conversation took a nasty turn that really bothered me. He was looking at my bank records, saw I was married and 22 and made that observation.
How long had I been married?
Um, a year and some?
Thats a long time don’t you think?
No, not at all.
So you’re 22?
Yes – how long will this print off take? Not long – wait, you’re 22, don’t you have any kids?
No, no kids.
No kids?! Are you serious? What, you think you’re too young or something?

Excuse me?????? I reaaallly wanted to lay into him, but I also wanted to be above the ignorant coug and get back to work on time. Then he dropped this bomb:

Well, when MY wife was 21 she had our first baby and now she’s 22 she’s expecting out second. I mean, the first one arrived 2 weeks early so she was born less than nine months after we got married. She’s your age and we have TWO kids. See, in our church we believe in multiplying and replenishing the earth instead. The only reason people put off having kids is to have more vacations together.

My thought process: Just because I refuse to be a baby machine, know how to use birth control, don’t believe God’s plan for me includes breeding indiscriminately in the name of Minivan’s, and because I feel young and a too restless to be mature enough for motherhood does not make me a sinner. I believe having a family is central to the plan and I will be a much better mother when a lifelong goal is fulfilled. I refuse to be that mother who attempts to juggle jobs and callings and kids on the side. I want to be the mother thats there at home every day for her kids because I’ve gotten the competitive need for educational qualification out of my system. And I feel I have a divine stamp of approval on that plan.

I was impressed when I left the bank without breaking his face.

These photographs are from Beate Lakotta and Walter Schel’s exhibition of the terminally ill. Their stories break my heart. They serve as a reminder of the blessing it is to know the Plan of Salvation. The anniversary of Rachael Priestly’s death was recently. Her mum said that she hoped “Rachael was happy, wherever she was”. The thought of losing a fifteen year old daughter so tragically combined with not knowing that her existence persisted and how that was possible, physically hurts. I could not tolerate that pain without the hope the gospel offers.

Edelgard Clavey, 67, said: “Death is a test of one’s maturity. I’ve always worked hard, following a similar path to a nun: poverty, chastity, obedience. Now, I am no longer able to contribute anything to society and this pains me terribly.”First picture taken: 5 December 2003, died 4 January 2004
Jannik Boehmfeld was just four when doctors detected a rare type of brain tumour. Four months later his mother, Silke was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was determined to stay strong for the sake of Jannik and his little brother Niklas, but her prognosis was bleak. She survived her son, who died at the age of six, by just 25 days. First picture taken: 10 January 2004, died 11 January 2004.
Michael Fege, 50, was left part-paralysed and unable to speak by a brain tumour. His wife communicated with him by squeezing arm: “I could feel his vitality. We had fun,” she said. First picture taken: 8 January 2003, died: 12 February 2003.
Maria Hai-Anh Tuyet Cao, 52, relied on the teachings of her spiritual guru, Supreme Mistress Ching Hai, during her final illness.”Death is nothing,” she said. “I embrace death. It is not eternal. Afterwards, when we meet God, we become beautiful.”First picture taken: 5 December 2003, died 15 February 2004.

Elmira Sang Bastian was probably born with a tumour, and by the age of 17 months it took up almost her entire brain.Her mother, Fatemah, refused to give up hope. She prayed: “Dear God, now it is in your hands. If it be your will, let a miracle happen. Or is it selfish of me to want to keep my daughter?”. “Was it your plan that she wouldn’t remain with us for long?”First picture taken: 14 January, died 23 March 2004.

Sometimes I think I have it all wrong. Because I’m so concerned about helping everyone without wearing myself out, and remembering daily the gravity of life’s circumstance while being optimistic, and being solemn without being depressed, or being firm without being aggressive and intelligent without being faithless I end up being nothing. Balance is elusive for me but the answer to my questions is so elementary. It’s a matter of forgetting yourself and going to work. I have truly found that in those evasive moments of selflessness, I have so much more of an identity.