“Chavs” are fascinating. They were Townies in Lancashire, Charver’s in the NE and Scallies from Wigan on. They were probably just referred to as Normal People down South… JUST KIDDING. Either way, they became a conglomerate mass of dole walling hooligans under the name of Chav’s circa 2000. I don’t think i’ve ever laughed outright at a chav before -they’re daft enough to knife you in broad daylight. Someone lacking that mental capacity should really be pitied not mocked. (That was a mean thing to say).
Honestly though? They ask for it.
Most of them enjoy it, I suppose their notoriety, and the fact their stereotype is almost a desultory genre of living, substitutes for a concrete identity. I reckon my high school/college had a decently stratified sample of each clique. Chavs used school property as drug drop off/pick up points and spawned under the watchful eye of rueful teachers from 9-3, Monday through Friday. They’d start bottle fights in Astley park etc etc etc. It odd being in year 11 and watching the first year chavs, a collection of grubby twelve year olds, destined to be the next generation of drug abusing, teenage pregnancying, fetus damaging, violence provoking yobs. Most chav girls spend their time trying to push their cleavage 
(existant or not) up somewhere around their chins, probably to provide adequate ledge for their copious amounts of gold. (In an effort to say “your tax money paid for this” no doubt). They generally dress appropriately at least – ready for action in their track pants and rockports, you know, just incase they need to run from the police after curbing someone.
My high school population was perhaps 50% Chav, anyone from Parklands reading this might want to correct me if I’m off. I’d wager that a decent percentage of that population were actually really intelligent. But even then, they didn’t always remaind in set 1. The pull towards smoking in the Pavillion somewhow managed to drag their grades down to letters low enough to start swear words.
I was on chavscum today (sometimes I read this junk when I’m feeling a bit homesick – immediate cure) and I read this email you can take for an example:
From: Alisha Davies: “Hello u f*cking scrub, You are racist to say all that about chavs it is like blamin ppl for wearing their hair in a different way if you are a chav it is born in your blood and is with you for life so i suggest you stop being a racist pig and GROW UP gyv it a try u might suprise your self
XxXxXxFrizzxXxXxXxX “
Although Chav’s may have their own spoken tongue, written language (which is called f__kwit by the way….) and the girls practically have their own skin tone (orange), they are not a race.
It just got better after that email, try this prime example of fwit:
From: Rebecca Stephens: “U hv nuhn btr t du thn make up sum wbsite bwt chavz?Cuz ur kl!”
Webmaster: “I don’t do Chavscum anymore, I spend my time finding your vowels. “
Forget vowels, how about spelling? You probably want to get your facts “spelled rite” before you try and case in point*. (*hmm. that reminds me.)
From: Jodie smith: “omg..you are so sad! you just sterio type people..infact your just square!!..chavs like to have a laugh its down to people like you who dont have a life and say ___ about other peoples…if you dont like chavs then why make a site about them?…yeah we can spell properly, your a total loser! you probably havent got no mates or nothignthats why you dedicate you life to that ___ website! If chavs are scrubbers..why can they afford all the names clothes and that??”
Then I got to this email:
ewo bruv,i h8 chavs cos they r like so fkingl like cheap, i waz 1 1ce tho im emo nowyeh i got the thik horeed
glasses like and the blak stuf right but ppl still think ima chav just cos i am like no tho but ppl still think so how can i get ppl to not think i am oh and its well out sauying what were dumbasses cos i am like top off me class for inglish an ovva things like that so up your sm8 th nothing rong wi chavs liek cos thy can chose what they want to wera liek i choose to were mo cloths and ut maself like and tats my chiosce and you sholdent take the piss out o f us cos wee diffrent your jsut doin this cos your scared well iff i find out where you live then i give you a reason 2 be scared f__ yo yeh
Webmaster: An Emo Chav? What the f__ is that? Michael Carroll with feelings and a floppy fringe?
And I felt really really sad. First off, I hate the webmasters responses, and I suddenly realize that he/she doesn’t share the same half-awe at how bizarre our human race is, he’s actually just hating people, not necessarily highlighting the weirdness which is ‘chav’. And most chav’s are just people who don’t know what values to have or where to put them. And then I thought about the chavs that wrote stuff like “Wish i cud be u, ure gna go sumwher” in my leavers book and felt increasingly worse.
Then I got to this:
From: Briantdeans@aol.com listen up bruv , all des h8rs need ta stop dissin us chavs yer , coz we iz the future innit . n u like it or not bruv we is gna bust all yous up wit our grill, so you best hush ya gums yer?
And now I’m just worried that the future holds Burberry knife handles, fruit flavoured Lambrini, and research into more efficient of doing crack.
When I was in Borders buying a book, i noticed a feature aisle on punk knitting. Title such as ‘Domiknitrix’ and ‘Naughty Needles’ and ‘Pretty in Punk’ caught my eye mainly because I wasn’t sure how sexy it was to be seen in a pearl-one-knit-one, pearl-one-knit-one, babydoll and ‘gothic thong’. Just kinda blew my mind that there was 1+ dodgy knitting book being sold. I wonder if they actually sell. While I’m on the subject, I’m not sure how they can call that Punk. If you American Hardcore your time away, roots of punk are in a reckless revolution against the compliance society expects in its norms and cultural values. For some reason it really amuses me that Punk is so “world: i don’t give one” yet if you really want to look the part, you have to ‘give one’ by donating 60 minutes every morning to sugar-watering your hair up into obtrusive spikes or whatever.
*Weird. He goes to trail 5 years after the case starts because the judge “fell and broke bones” and needed to recuperate? There are no other judges in America? Not even celebrity ones?
And here is andy is jeans smaller than mine working his magic on the lane.
